This blog has gone from weekly to "whenever I get round to it!" But with a little one, who can blame me?! :)
A few weeks ago I got to play drums in my studio.
The fact that I hadn't played for about 4 months meant that it was something I had been thinking about and looking forward to for a long time. To say I was excited would be a major understatement!
The day arrived and in military fashion - as most things are now post baby. My husband and I worked everything out so baby was fully fed and happy before setting off in the car. The deal was I would go play and husband would look after little one and pick me up once I'm done.
I've had the studio a year, its a new development so there always seems to be some sort of building work being done. Whenever I walk in to the building, smell the new paint and the wood, I feel immediately at ease and am in my happy place. This is my studio and I have my drums all to myself. Magic!
I had about 2 hours to play that day, something of a rarity as of late.
I did some improvisation and played to some favourite tunes but I have to admit, it really wasn't how I thought it would be. Very underwhelming.
Usually I'm totally immersed in drumming but since baby I couldn't be as present as I wanted - Half of me was wondering where my daughter was and whether she was ok and the other was thinking about what to play and wondering if people outside could hear how bad it was.
I freaked out about this.... hmmmm well, about up until this week if I'm honest (!)
Where the hell had my ambition gone? Why could I not just relax and play?
I hear you, I know what you're thinking - altogether now... BECAUSE YOU'VE HAD A BABY!
EVERYTHING changes when you have a baby!!
I know I know, BUT its drums, they were my babies before and I never imaged I'd ever feel anything less then a burning desire to play and get better.
After all these negative thoughts about my ambition going and playing like c**p I decided to hold my horses and have a look at all the great things. Because as the saying goes "There is good everywhere, you just need to look for it."
SO, what did I find?
1) I'm still playing
That's right, with the help of my husband, we managed to carve out some time for me to go play. How awesome is that?! I used to fear that I wouldn't be able to play but there we are, three months in, still breastfeeding and boom! I got to go play my drums. Lovely!
2) I am not resentful
Before I gave birth I was worried that I would end up resenting the baby for not being able to play as much. I can't express just how far removed this thought is from my mind now. I usually miss the baby if I've been away too long, so the possibility and more importantly the DESIRE to go on tour right now is just not in me.
3) Anything is possible
It really is. When little one was born and I was still recovering at home it seemed like the chance of drumming again was so far away. I wasn't leaving the house, how could I play a gig?
Three months later and my social calendar is pretty much back to where it was pre-baby. AND work offers have started to come in and I'm also looking into starting to teach drums again.
I don't have concrete plans, its not all going to start again tomorrow but I know it is all possible. I luckily have a very supportive husband and family, and so with them, I know that I can do this. I already have a jam session booked in and am planning another practice session too.
Whilst things certainly are different, I still love drums and I am totally in love with my baby. It definitely feels like I can have my cake and I can eat it too <3