Keeping it real

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I never really told you about my first trip away from the baby so I thought this would be a good time..
It was the October just gone and I was due to go to Paris to play with a band and we were going to stay for three days and nights.
The fact that it was going to be three whole nights away from my child for the first time certainly had my stomach in knots and I knew right away this trip might be quite hard for me.
Of course I was excited to get back out there playing but I was worried I would struggle with missing my girl.
Well… the trip went really well.
Luckily my husband had taken some time off work so he could help the in-laws look after our little one (I mentioned I have the MOST supportive husband right?!!)
So I knew she would be happy enough without me and may not even realise I’m not about.

We get to Paris and we had sound check on the first day. The venue was the AccorHotels Arena! I have played some big gigs in my life… but this would be my first arena!!
I loved the whole professionalism of everything. The tech team were so efficient and friendly. We had plenty of time to sound check and sort out levels and my drum monitor even had a label with my name on it! Love it!
So the gig we were doing is a corporate gig so parts of the arena were blocked off but still, the space was huge and I was so excited to play. We were due to play the next day and then we would be playing for the fashion label Agnes.b at their shop. very chic!
SO…. gig time comes around, I’ve been missing Quinn and we have shared photos already and I can’t think about her too much without getting a little teary. But I have to stay focused, gig face on and off we go!

The set is great, the venue is full and the sound is fantastic. I have such a good time and am buzzing when I come off stage!
Not soon after I call my husband to see how little one is doing and to my horror he says she has a high temperature and isn’t so great.
Now, talk about a slap back down to reality!
There I am absolutely flying from the show only to be brought back to reality and wanting to get home as fast as my legs will carry me.
It was such a maternal gut feeling of wanting to be with my baby and comfort her. I knew she was going to be ok with my husband but the fact I couldn’t be there really really sucked!
It was a defining moment for me really.
So many shows I’ve played and you live for those good gigs where you feel invincible and everything flows. Don’t get me wrong, I still love and will always seek those moments but now, when I’m not with my child, she is still with me. In my mind and in my heart.
Might sound really mushy… but its true. SO the fact that she was poorly really was difficult and I felt overwhelmed with mum guilt and worry.

Thankfully after a night of a million texts and calls to my husband, our daughter was doing a lot better in the morning!
The rest of the time in Paris was super fun. The show in Agnes.b was great. I literally felt like I was in the movie ‘The Devil wears Prada” as everyone around me was SO chic!!
I had a great time but of course my mind always went back to her. At the clothes shop I wanted to buy her an outfit and I had to stop myself talking to everyone about her!
Eventually it was time to return home! I was beyond excited!
I have to say, I don’t remember if she went crazy when she saw me but I knew I felt complete again.

Kids I feel are there to test you, to make you put everything in perspective and they certainly give you a focus and a love that you may never have felt before.
I was always worried I’d feel resentful of a baby if I had to give up certain career moves but as I think I’ve said before, nothing could be further from the truth.
I’ve had more opportunities this past year then ever and its all about mindset.
I always want to be with my baby but if I have to go away I want to show her that you can do anything and be anyone you want to be. I couldn’t do any of this without my family and I want her to see that too. Family comes first. work second - or maybe even third or fourth, depending on your situation


I’ll leave you with this quick story. So if I ever need a reminder to keep my head level and keep my feet on the ground I know I have my daughter and husband to thank for keeping me humble.
There I was on instagram the other day and to my astonishment a really great drummer who I admire started following me and even commented on a post! I was like “woop! woop!” How cool is that?! Turn to my daughter who then decides to throw up all over me! Haha!!
True story!


Til next time


xx

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